Written by Sarah Beth Herman
When Giving Too Many Takes Everything Away
What if your biggest strength is also your greatest liability? The desire to give endlessly to your clients, customers, or patients might feel noble, but it could be the very thing holding you back. Over giving the habit of constantly going beyond what is reasonable doesn’t just drain your energy. It undermines your capacity to succeed and creates patterns that are difficult to escape.
This blog builds on the themes of the podcast episode by exposing the hidden traps of over giving, offering alternative perspectives, and empowering you to reclaim balance in your relationships.
The Culture of Over Giving
Professionals in various fields have embraced the idea that success is measured by how much they give. Whether it's a healthcare provider dedicating extra hours to patient care, a business owner going above and beyond for customers, or a consultant responding to emails at midnight, over giving is frequently praised as the highest form of service.
However, this mindset has its drawbacks. Research published in Academy of Management Review highlights over giving as a key factor leading to burnout, role ambiguity, and reduced professional performance (Luria et al., 2021). When we give excessively, we risk losing the clarity and focus needed to deliver meaningful value.
Why We Over Give
Over giving arises from deeply rooted beliefs about the nature of serving. Here are some common reasons why professionals fall into this pattern:
Fear of Being Replaced: Many believe their worth depends on their ability to fulfill every need of their client, customer, or patient.
Validation Through Service: Some professionals equate their self-worth with how much they give, associating their generosity with their value as individuals.
Misplaced Expectations: In service-oriented industries, professionals often misunderstand their role, thinking they must always overextend themselves to achieve results.
The Hidden Costs of Over giving
While it might appear as an act of generosity, excessive giving often leads to unexpected negative outcomes. Here’s how it can adversely affect both you and those you intend to help:
Reduced Quality: By spreading yourself too thin, the quality of your work may suffer. Research in Work & Stress indicates that multitasking and constant availability decrease cognitive focus and result in lower overall effectiveness (Mark et al., 2015).
Creating Dependency: Excessive giving can foster dependency among your clients, customers, or patients, which can undermine their independence and long-term success.
Emotional and Physical Exhaustion: Continual over giving results in chronic stress and burnout, reducing your ability to perform effectively in the future.
Reclaiming Your Energy: Moving from Excess to Effectiveness
Instead of over giving, the focus should be on intentional, effective actions that align with your values and priorities. Here’s how to shift from a reactive to a proactive approach:
Step 1: Define Your Value
Understand the core value you bring to the table. Instead of measuring worth by how much you give, focus on the specific outcomes or experiences you provide.
For example, if you're a healthcare provider, your role isn’t to solve every problem it’s to equip your patient with the tools to heal effectively.
Step 2: Establish Boundaries
Boundaries are not barriers they’re guidelines for sustainable relationships. According to Psychological Bulletin, setting boundaries leads to greater emotional resilience and job satisfaction (Kossek et al., 2012).
Communicate clearly when you’re available and what your scope of service includes.
Avoid reactive behaviors like answering off-hours emails unless it’s a true emergency.
Step 3: Focus on Sustainable Service
Shift your focus from being everything to everyone to creating long-term solutions. This means empowering clients, customers, or patients to take ownership of their results.
Empathy Without Exhaustion: The Balance of Caring
Empathy is at the heart of service, but it doesn’t require self-sacrifice. You can care deeply without depleting yourself. Studies in Frontiers in Psychology reveal that practicing “compassionate detachment” allows professionals to remain empathetic while maintaining healthy boundaries (Neff & Germer, 2013).
What It Looks Like: Instead of feeling responsible for solving every issue, acknowledge the other person’s feelings while maintaining your focus on solutions.
What It Doesn’t Look Like: Taking on emotional or logistical burdens that don’t belong to you.
Realigning with Your Mission
At its core, over giving reflects a misalignment between your actions and your mission. Ask yourself:
What is my ultimate goal in serving this client, customer, or patient?
Are my current actions helping me achieve that goal, or are they distractions?
For example, a business consultant who spends hours responding to minor client requests may find it hard to focus on delivering high-value strategies. By redirecting their energy to the bigger picture, they not only serve better but also preserve their own well-being.
Breaking Free from the Over giving Trap
The first step in overcoming over giving is recognizing the patterns in your behavior. Here are a few practical strategies:
Audit Your Commitments: List all the ways you currently “go above and beyond.” Identify which of these actions are necessary and which are draining your energy unnecessarily.
Practice Saying No: Saying no isn’t selfish it’s a way to protect your energy so you can give your best where it truly matters.
Evaluate Feedback Loops: If over giving has led to unrealistic expectations, begin resetting boundaries gradually through honest communication.
The Reward of Intentional Giving
When you transition from over giving to intentional giving, you’ll notice profound changes not just in your energy but in the quality of your relationships. Clients, customers, or patients will respect your time and expertise more when they see you value your own boundaries.
Intentional giving ensures that your generosity comes from a place of strength rather than obligation, allowing you to serve others without sacrificing yourself.
Closing Thoughts
Over giving often masquerades as generosity, but it’s a trap that limits your potential and damages the very relationships you aim to nurture. By redefining what it means to give, you can create a more balanced, sustainable approach that allows you to thrive both personally and professionally.
As explored in the podcast episode, it’s not about saying no to giving it’s about saying yes to giving in a way that elevates both you and those you serve.
Disclaimer:
To learn more about Sarah Beth Herman, the author of all free training content you can read her bio here. These materials are intended to provide helpful information to dentists and dental team members. They are in no way a substitute for actual professional advice based on your unique facts and circumstances. This content is not intended or offered, nor should it be taken, as legal or other professional advice. You should always consult with your own professional advisors (e.g. attorney, accountant, or insurance carrier). To the extent, Dentistry Support ®has included links to any third-party website (s), Dentistry Support ® intends no endorsement of their content and implies no affiliation with the organizations that provide their content. Further, Dentistry Support ® makes no representations or warranties about the information provided on those sites. You can view our privacy policy and terms and conditions by clicking those pages in the footer of our website.
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References
Kossek, E. E., Ruderman, M. N., Braddy, P. W., & Hannum, K. M. (2012). Work–nonwork boundary management profiles: A person-centered approach. Journal of Vocational Behavior, 81(1), 112–128.
Luria, G., Gal, I., & Yagil, D. (2021). The burden of over-giving: Effects of citizenship behavior on emotional exhaustion and role ambiguity. Academy of Management Review.
Mark, G., Gudith, D., & Klocke, U. (2015). The cost of interrupted work: More speed and stress. Work & Stress, 29(1), 1–15.
Neff, K. D., & Germer, C. K. (2013). Compassion-focused therapy: A new training protocol for reducing emotional stress. Frontiers in Psychology, 4, 237.